Thursday, December 1, 2011

My first time

Its a tiny little building
very inconspicuous
hearts are broken in there,
happy tears and sad tears shed,
lives shattered by just one symbol and two letters

I remember it so clearly
like it was yesterday
I took 10 deep breaths before i walked in.

Its funny now, i wasn't only dreading the results
I just dreaded the entire process
I've always had a deathly fear of needles.

The incompetent nurse had to draw blood twice
Still she failed
I'm not sure if it was because of my shaking body
my almost wrist hands that failed to produce a vein
or just the fact that she didn't know what she was doing.

She called the doctor,
young thing, looked like he was fresh out of med school
scared me even more, but he succeeded at first try

They told me, "come back in 2 hours"
Oh my Lord, Two hours???????
what was i supposed to do for 2hours?

2hrs contemplating
2hrs scared
2hrs of nail biting
2hrs of fear
2hrs of panic

i walked round the mall, 2hrs i just walked
entered different stores
not really looking at anything
my mind still focused on the result coming in 2hrs

I returned  2hrs later
there it was,
the incompetent nurse,
competent enough to hand over the result

I stared at it
then stared at her
i thought to myself that if it was positive
i wouldn't have put it past her to make a mistake

then i slowly unfolded the white paper
there it was in bold ink

That was my first aids test
i haven't gone back since then.
that was 20months ago.
i still shudder when i think of it.

I have to take another one before 2011 ends.
Just have to.

Today is World Aids day
Get Tested.

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