Wednesday, February 29, 2012

BestFriends From Hell

Yesterday on twitter i got into a discussion ( yeah i know i always do this, dont judge) about Best friends and their roles in a committed relationship.
Here is a sample scenario,

A and B have been friends since babies, they are off opposite sex, they went to all the same schools, share secrets no one else knows, played "mummy and daddy together" probably gave each other their first play kiss, their mothers are best friends also, yadi yadi yada, in fact they are each others number 1's, they trust each other explicitly, always have each others back, all that long story, i can aptly explain this because i have my own best friend too, he was the first friend i ever had, my longest ever friend and i love him to death.

Say A gets into a relationship with a beautiful girl C, he "falls" in love, things with C are going great, the have been dating 6 months, C is the perfect girlfriend, she listens, doesn't judge, loves him totally, all that good stuff that guys "pretend" they want, everything is almost perfect except one thing, its actually a relationship of 3 people, A tells B everything before he tells C, he asks B for advice on everything even things in his relationship after all B is his longest most trusted friend. B calls A at odd hours at night about mundane things, they text each other at least once a day to keep in touch, whenever B goes on a date, she Calls A ahead and even after the date, A even knows when her period is and reminds her when its late *lol, ok maybe im going a tad too far* but you get my drift, even if A is in a working committed relationship with C, he still puts B before her, B is his go-to woman for everything, B can call in the middle of the night, maybe her heart got broken, and A will stand up from the bed, leave C laying there in this Canadian cold *ok I'm being dramatic again* and go and console B after all she is his "best friend".

Now isn't that just a Bowl of CRAP; how exactly is that relationship supposed to thrive, A claims that B is his best friend, he trusts her, and well a friendship of 27years is better than a 6 month relationship, right, im getting you, then why date, why not just marry B and spare the rest of us the wahala of dating a guy with best friend issues.
Now im not saying you shouldn't have a best friend, but there should be boundaries set once you get into a relationship, cant be having one girl calling my man at odd times all in the name of "best friend". If he isn't ready to set that boundary and treat me like the number 1 woman in his life that i rightly should be, I am taking a walk, this is 2012, cant be pushing it with a man that will not respect you; that's what it comes down to, RESPECT.
*cue music Aretha Franklin*

Lol on the real though, having a best friend is good, but you should give your partner the chance to be that to you. except you plan on marrying that friend once you get to a certain age, all that best friend thing becomes crap, noone should know you more than the woman or man that you share your life, heart and bed with.

And all you Ladies and Men in best friend positions seriously have common sense please, your friend is in a relationship, stay in your own lane, don't be calling someones man for every little thing, find your own abeg.


Miss Enigma said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

And yeahh I totally agree...I dnt understand hw the female besties get upset when their besties girlfriend is getting upset over their relationship...and then blame the poor girlfriend for being insecure!

It's not insecurity its jst simple...treat their relationship the way you would want urs to be treated if the reverse were the case.

Pidgin english saying says na from clap dance dey start...from ur male bestie consoling u in the middle of the night una go enter another chapter.

la~pimpette said...

Ok so I'm in a best friend relationship kinda situation and for some reason I know my boundaries.

The new girlfriend is supposed to become the best friend and vice versa. I learnt to deal with that very early on...

I do get it's hard after being friends for so long but honestly, it can't work when there are three people involved.

LohiO said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! Why so angry???? Did a best friend steal your man???

I agree. Once with A or B gets into a REAL relationship *not keles. jumpoffs. fbuddies* they do have to set boundaries. At the end of the day it is all about respect for the new relationship. What I have seen in my experience is that sometimes the new girlfriend comes in with so much attitude on a "i will make him stop being friends with u tip" that automatically it is human to react and try to send that person packing..:D

In situations where the new gf/bf has come in on a respectful tip, it has been nothing but a totally awesome friendship for all..:D #speakingFromExperience.

Blessing said...

I totally agree with you!! Best friends of the opposite sex always cause trouble in committed relationships...everyone should stay in their lane jare

P.E.T. Projects said...

Very well said. The best friend should give a little breathing space so everyone is happy. And if they are so damn close, they might as well just make it official before hurting 3rd parties!


My fiance once stood her ground concerning a certain person in my life sometime back and made me choose... I tell you, I fear sharp sharp! lol. I knew the best to hold on to, so I tell "best friend", "Omo, you're about ruining my relationship oh"... that said, things changed. My woman is no. 1! No other. I agree with you jare.


dayor said...

This is some serious case o, I always wonder o..

Abeg everyone should stay in their lane ooo, or A & B should get married if they so like each other

It actually happened to me, I had to leave him o, boiffy & so called friend finally started dating and now they have splitted.

'Lara said...

hahaha, na with vex be this one oh.

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