Friday, May 22, 2009

Unedited and Straight from my heart pt 1

I sit here starting at my laptop screen, my mind's wandering once again as it has been doing for a while, so many things on my mind......., so many unfinished thots, so many unshed tears, so many unexpected joys.

maybe i should start from the beginning,

you see i am the first child of my family , so i am used to being the one with all the responsibility and as my friends say the manager,(see when i was in school no matter how broke i was i never called home for money, never inflated my school fees or extorted my parents, just the thot of it made me so feel so guilty), my parents had always tagged me d understanding child, the child dat doesn't disturb that's comparing with my younger sis, who get what she wants every time.

for example, my school went on a trip to Ghana sometime back and i really wanted to go, my parents told me that there wasn't money and all, and being me i didn't press it i just kept quiet and found another way to go, during my time in school TY was my pillar of strength he knew me so well and cos of him, i still lived life in school like a comfortable human, don't get me wrong, my family is very comfortable, i just hate troubling my parents,

Take my sis for example, when she was in SS3 she got nominated to attend GYLC conference in the US, she troubled my parents until they finally gave in, these are the same parents who couldn't give me 11000 naira to go for a trip to Ghana,

So i have always lived my life to soothe my parents own, trying to set a good example for my younger ones, bare in mind that i am only 21, my whole life has been as if i was in a race to where? i don't know, i breezed through pry , sec and university and graduated at the age of 20, if not for nysc i am supposed to be heading for my masters now, but instead i am writing my prof exams, i have already writing one and i have 1 to go , so that means that by the time i am 23 i should have my Beng, M.eng, Ccna and Ccnp,
crazy huh, i still have plans for an Mba or a PHd, i haven't decided which, noone is pushing me, i just feel i need to do this to prove to myself that i am good.
i fell in love at 16 and i am still in love, my life has been on the fast lane and i just wish i can slow it down.

on Sunday one of my very close friends came to my house only to tell me that's shes pregnant, God i was so scared and shes hell bent on keeping it, even though its scaring d bejesus outta her,shes only 21 and shes pregnant thank God she is thru with school, but even then doesn't that mean the end of her dreams!!!!

i am so scared of it all, what if i get pregnant, what if something bad happens does that mean that i will stop dreaming,
God all these thots are random, just flowing into my head, i still have a lot i want to accomplish i hope all goes well, i am putting my faith in him.

At my pretty young age i have experienced a whole lot, i have seen the good the bad and the ugly, i have cried from my heart, and laughed with my entire being. where to from here i ask, where to from here?????!!!
hope i didn't bore u, i am just typing and my hands don't seem to want to stop, i will continue later.


juiceegal said...


juiceegal said...

Ok this is pretty deep.......i think u grew up too fast......iv gt a friend like u..shez 19 but shez alreay thinkin bout gettin married nd doin oda stuff nd evryday i tel her to slow is nt a race.
I kinda get where u r comin 4rm cz im in a similar situation,im the first child nd dere is so much pressure on me,im dreadin finishin uni next year cz my responsibilities begin nd im only 19.
I think u shld slow down a bit nd stop havin all these negative thots...just learn to take one step at a time,derez no need 2 rush.Ul be fine ok

Danny BaGucci said...

Nice stuff.. Responsibility grows people.. Good to now you've made good on your self....

Rose said...

This is undoubtedly straight from the heart..If you feel things are going too fast..Slow them down...If you worry that something bad may happen,this makes you set limits for yourself...We live with that everyay(the knowledge that it's not always good)..But this doesn't mean we should stop living..

Hope i've made sense in some way..
Hope you are doing good too??

Ps:No you didn't bore me!!

chayoma said...

Deep thots, huh?
We shld take life one step at a time. it truly isnt a race. live with no regrets! live for those moments that take your breath away!
i feel your pain. i am afterall the first child of four! need to set the pace and all...
But it`s your life. live it for YOU and YOU ALONE!

yankeenaijababe said...

Sometimes if feels great to unleash your mind. I know that feeling of always wanting to please your parents, sometimes you have to stop, take a deep breath and realize that life is about you and not pleasing THEM.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your week. Cheers!!!

RocNaija said...

Main thing is your happy with the person you have become... and when push comes to shove.. That still is the most important thing..

Dee Brighton said...

I loved this
Sweetie you've accomplished SO much.. I don't know you personally and even I'm proud. Keep doing what makes you happy

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I liked the rawness of this post. I could tell you just typed your thoughts as they came...unedited. Just live each day at a time...your dreams can be achieved and your fears averted. All the best chica!

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

Thanks everyone for the thotful comments, i am so happy i have people to vent to, really thank u , ur just like family!!!!!

i now know that i can live each day one step at a time after all fire no dey my nyash*** (excuse my language)


Isi said...

hiya! visit:

UnderCover07 said...

...I sometimes feel like I'm growing up too fast too. Sometimes, I feel like I've missed out on things bcos I was trying to be responsible, understanding et al, but then I jst thank God for the person I am today.

He knws how many hairs on my head...and so I believe He knws what His plan for my life is and same for u dear. Just keep asking Him to order ur steps as always.

Wow...since 16! Dude is definitely a keeper...glad for u!

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