Monday, April 12, 2010

*sigh*

Recently i have realized that i hate confrontations
even on phones
i want everything to be perfect at all times
and i want things to miraculously happen for me
even when i put in no work.

I have grown in this past 2mnths
been exposed to the harsh realities of life
that things dont always workout
and life is always not fair MOST of the time

What i have got out of it is that
i live my life with no expectations
so there is no heartbreak
i try not to look too much to something
for fear of jinxing it

what that leaves me with is a life of little pleasures
when theres nothing to look forward too
all thats left is a bleak future


i have never been more unsure of my future as i am at this very moment
i used to know how my life will turn out
what i want to do after uni
how i plan for it to go
but as i type here today
i realize that am clueless
i dnt know what september 2010 holds for me

i am so scared
things havent gone as planned
i was suppose to be beginning my masters this year
i have worked so hard at it
but now i really dont know

i dont know
i am scared
i am 21years old
i am female
and as nysc draws to a close in june
i am clueless
as to where i stand
i have never felt such frightening fear in my entire life

22 comments:

Omotee! said...

Hey, u'll be fine. everyone gets to that point every now and then, but u'll look back and smile and wonder why u were ever bothered.

have a great week

onosetale(damsel) said...

I've been feeling that way for some time as well but don't get scared. this is the time where you need to stick close to God, family and friends... relax and let things flow. You dont have to rush into everything, ur pretty young to be doing your masters.

Sumptuous said...

My sista, i feel like i'm looking in a mirror. I was just telling a friend that i feel like nysc is my landlord and is gonna evict me in 2 months. I'm scared of a lot of things but i know that its a phase. Just do what is humanly possible, pray and committ everytin to God and things will turn out just as God wants for u.

Nutty J. said...

Fear is good...sometimes.
It gives us an awareness that we belong in a time and season where nothing is as it seems. Having this in mind, we are always at alert

That being said....relax BB. Sufficient for the day is its troubles thereof...dont go ruining today by worrying endlessly about tomorrow...cos tomorrow is not in our hands.

Live for the moment and cheer up. Time and chance would still happen to us all, regardless of if we worry or not.

neefemi said...

I cant say more than everyone else has told you, especially Nutty J...it is well with you.... cast your fears on the Lord and he will care for you...have a great week

sosexy said...

Hot chic like you? you'd do good okay?
Just relax..God has taken control..
Have you voted for 2cute and the poem she wrote for Jos titled FOR ME YOU AND THEY?
Please do so on www.naijastories.com

Fabulo-la said...

You know its funny, cause I think I was lamenting to someone o BBM about this...actually make that several pple. It has become my anthem sef.
The struggle between what I want to do, and what i should do is imminent.
But honestly as graduation draws near, the only thing im sure of, is that when I take that leap of faith HE will catch me.

Im telling u, as corny as it sounds the only thing u can do really is TRUST HIM.

Kk babes
xxx

doll said...

this is how my 2010 has been..i have gone from surety to uncertainty in my finances, my job, my dating life..you wnt just believe it..but since i know he that knows tomorrow...i wont loose sleep over it...i suggest you dont too

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

Don't be afraid!...it's all a phase, we all go thru it....the sooner you embrace it, the faster you'll get thru it...put ur trust in God and he'll direct u...being afraid will only paralyze u

Jaycee said...

You will be fine. We all go through these moments of you. Guess what? You will come out stronger :)

Harry-Rami Itie said...

You will do just fine.. I have days like that to...I just pray to God to gimme strength to press on

BBB said...

when i opened my blog this morning
and i saw all this comments
i felt so relieved, you guys reminded me of what i had forgotten,
i still have God
i always have him
troubles are only for now
and through them i grow
what wont kill me will make me stronger

so i am depositing all the worries at his feet
and living today like its my last

been humming a song since yesterday
"i cast all my fears upon you, i lay all off my burdens down at your feet and anytime i dont know what to do, i will cast all my fears upon you"

Myne Whitman said...

I'm glad that you've come to realize that God is still above it all. A good sleep will always help. Take care of you dear.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

You will be fine.
I remember expecting to get a job immediately after school but alas 5 months after was still at home with no job in site. Every thing happens in its own time. Take care

Suru said...

It's okay to be frightened. You're still young and you have a lot of time to decide. Do what you love and take chances!

aloted said...

u'll be fine girl..everything is working out for ur good.

i did my nysc around the same age as you and everything looked bleak then but looking back now i am grateful for all my experiences...and things turned out just fine!

trust in the Lord dear to order your steps.

Geebee said...

I can easily relate to this. Usually, we all want things to go fast . . . finish school, get that thing or the other done etc. Then when it finally winds to a close, the fear of what next sets in. It does happen to the very best of us all the time. It's best to just reduce the anxiety and hope for God's direction. Most problems are better solved when we dwell less on it. Cheers

2cute4u said...

Late here for you..
Sorry I wasn't there for you earliest.I should..
So sorry..
Hope you're feeling better?
It is well okay?
Have you smiled today?Please keep doing so..The heaviness of heart will be decreasing.
Hope you've voted for me on www.naijastories.com
Please do.
My poem's FOR ME YOU AND THEY
Thank you so much

Tisha said...

You need to find out what you want out of life first.
As soon as you figure out what you want you'll get it.

Just be ready to apply yourself, you need passion, hard work and determination and by all means please enjoy what you do.

My world said...

*e-hugs*
bliv me,dear...it shall all come to pass...
hope you feel better now :-))

blogoratti said...

Hang in there...I'm sure you will discover yourself as time goes on.
All the very best!

Funms-the rebirth said...

ive been in ur shoes before and it turned out well. so calm down, breathe and ull see that u will figure it all out....hugs

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